我老婆是注册会计师|会计人生

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只看楼主倒序阅读使用道具 0楼发表于: 2012-07-16

关键词：会计调侃会计人生

　　我老婆是一名职业女性：注册会计师。当她要从冰箱里拿食物的时候总是使用后进先出法。
　　I have a professional woman as my wife; a Chartered Accountant. She uses LIFO method while taking out the refrigerated food.
　　她认为我不擅长数字。我也同意这点，因为她现在控制我们家的预算。开始，她每个月末给我一张账单，但是当我告诉她我不是她的客户而是她的丈夫的时候，她就要求预支先进。过去几个月，我们家的开支一直在稳定增长，所以有一天我偷偷的查看了现在卷宗中的文件。她将开车的里程和加班都算入我们家的预算里了。
　　She thinks I am no good with numbers. Fine with me, for now she handles the budget of the house. Initially she used to send me a bill at the month end, but when I told her that I am not her client but her husband, she asks for the money in advance. The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so one day I snooped into the papers maintained in a current file.
　　怪不得！她真是疯了！我告诉她，但是她却纠正我：不，亲爱的，我才是审计师。我顿时倍感黑暗。
　　No wonder! She was charging mileage and overtime to the house budget. She is crazy, I tell her but she corrects me. No honey, I am the auditor. I fail to see the light.
　　我们家的每一张纸片都被归档。她告诉我，根据某项该死的制度，她必须把所有的东西保留至少十年的备份之后才能把它销毁。我非常抑郁。
　　Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed. She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy of everything for at least ten years before destroying it. I am worried.
　　那天，我们吵了一个小时的架。后来，我得知她把那个小时算进了她的一个客户的时间表里。而我的时间则按照“无所事事”被记了下来。
　　The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I got to know that she had charged that hour to a client of hers, in the time sheet. My time was put down as unoccupied.
　　她说她很爱我，我告诉她我也很爱她。然而，她从来不相信我。她说这一点有可能被误述。天呐！她要求我对这点做重述！
　　She says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too. However, she never believes me. She says that there is susceptibility of it being a misstatement. Duh! She wants my representation on this!
　　去年我们家的账户获得了一个合格的审计意见。我没有保留我买东西的支持文件。不久之前，我们隆重庆祝了我弟弟的婚礼。我们发出去了许多婚礼卡片。
　　Last year our house accounts got a qualified opinion I had not kept the supporting etc. of my purchases. Not a long time back my brother's wedding was to be solemnized. Wedding cards had been sent.
　　过了一段时间，我开始不停的收到一些回信。我很困惑，后来我太太向我解释，外部证据更加可靠，她要求所有那些收到卡片的人给她回复函证。
　　After some time I started receiving a steady trickle of letters. I was puzzled until my wife explained that external evidence was more reliable. She had called for confirmations from all those to whom cards were sent.
　　当她做饭的时候，我太太有时候不按食谱进行。食谱上面说加半勺醋，一勺盐或者一杯水的时候，她都直接忽略掉。她说这点东西与整顿饭的材料相比并不是实质性重大的。
　　When she cooks: my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the recipe says add half-teaspoon vinegar, one tsp black salt or one teacup of water, she ignores them. She says that they are not material when taken in context of whole meal being prepared.
　　我跟你说，她简直疯了！然而令人惊奇的是别人都叫她审计师。我查了查字典，上面并没有说审计师是疯狂的同义词。这本字典一定过时了。
　　She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly everybody calls her an auditor, instead. I checked the dictionary and it did not state that auditor is a synonym for crazy. The dictionary must be outdated.
　　我们结婚的时候，她给我我一份（审计）业务约定书（这个也可以翻成订婚信），我还说多可爱多甜蜜啊。现在，她每年都会给我一份，她说她的准则要求一旦有迹象表明我可能误解了审计业务的目的和范围就必须给我一份新的。哦，不！
　　When we got married, she had given me an Engagement Letter and I had said how cute-how sweet. Now she gives it to me every year saying that her standards state that it must be sent a new if there is any indication that I have misunderstood the objective and scope of engagement. Huh!
　　除了一再给我审计业务约定书之外，她还说我不能随便就摆脱她。她说我在指定别人之前她有权了解情况。
　　Apart from sending me the engagement letter once again she says I can't get rid of her just like that. She says that she has the right of being heard before I appoint someone else.
　　咳！有一段时间，我还以为我们的持续经营状态收到了威胁了。天！我敢说么？
　　Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardized our going concern status . Duh! Dare I say so??
　　我的一名女同事嫁给了一名注册会计师，她告诉我当男方是注册会计师的时候情况会更糟。他将所有结婚的费用当做开办费资本化，然后每年冲销。并且，他和他太太在结婚前约会的时间仍然在估值中……作为无形资产估值。
　　I am told by one of my female colleagues who is married to a CA that the scenario is even worse when the guy is a CA. Apparently he capitalized the wedding expenses as preliminary expenses and is writing it off every year. Also the time he spent dating his wife before marrying her is still under consideration for valuation...valuation of intangible assets.
　　伙计们，你们可想好了……你真的要娶一个注册会计师么？如果非要娶的话，请按照合适的利率对其进行贴现以得到这样做的现值和风险！！！
　　So guyz please think twice....should u really marry a CA? and yes please discount it by the appropriate rate to arrive at the present value of the risk of doing so !!!!!!!